choices

Do you ever consider the impact of a single choice on your life? And I mean truly think about the weight of how that choice could mold the rest of your life? I recently listened to a book (one which I wouldn't recommend) that looked at different versions of individuals' lives and how Version 1 of Person A's life intersecting with Version 3 of Person B's life could produce a completely different outcome than Version 2 intersected with the same Version 3. And that got my wheels spinning.

Something I don't often share is that I did not officially begin college at my alma mater. I spent the first 2.5 weeks of my college career at the rival school across town. It was essentially the antithesis of my high school experience and one I swore I didn't need repeated for the next 4 years of my life. Turns out, I was miserable and cried nearly every single day. I eventually was able to transfer to the college that helped mold me into who I am today.

I remember the day I went to buy my books at my new school. It was about 3:00 in the afternoon before a hurricane was about to blow in, and I pulled into the bookstore parking lot where I saw a high school classmate and close friend, who had no idea of my plans to transfer (remember, this was pre-facebook). She immediately began jumping around and yelling as she say my car. We hugged and laughed and cried and caught up briefly before I went to buy my books. When classes began after the storm, she introduced me to a friend of hers in our literature class who she had met during SGA activities. 

That mutual friend thought I was the biggest snob on the planet, and I thought she had no goals for her life. But I was drawn to her smile, her laugh, her zeal and passion for life. Over the next 7 years, a friendship developed into something more and we eventually could no longer be "just friends." I'm sure you can guess who that friend was. What if I hadn't transferred schools? I would have missed spending life with the one who God created specifically for me. I could have potentially missed a great deal of love, laughter, and some good eats. 

If you didn't know me before my wife and I were married, you are probably not aware of the other choice that impacted our life. In the early planning phases of our engagement, we originally wanted a long engagement and to be married in the late fall of 2012. But the stress and noise of wedding planning caused us to change our wedding plans to a small family ceremony in the spring. April 2012 to be exact.

If you remember the details of our adoption journey, you know that we were unable to file papers to adopt until our third anniversary. We filed them on that day; we had a great meal at home, spend the night in our pjs, and clicked submit to God's plan for our family that night. We spent the next 6 months in counseling, interviews, and home study before beginning the matching process in October 2015 (which would not have been our 3-year anniversary had we not moved the date of our wedding). We waited for 5 months which were at times excruciating and at times joyous as we savored the final days of "just us." And on our fourth anniversary, we received the summary of our little man that God had chosen for us. 

What if we hadn't chosen to change our wedding date? What if we weren't in the matching phase when our son's birth mother began to make her brave choice? I know that our son would have certainly been matched and placed with a loving family who would raise him to honor and serve God. I am not saying by any means that we are the supreme parents who have ultimately done some good deed. I am saying that God wove our story together in such an intricate way that even a choice such as the university I chose to attend or the date on which my wife and I chose to marry altered the course of my life, my family's life, and essentially generations to come.

Our God is in the details. As we sang in church this morning, He will not be delayed. He sets plans into motion and weaves together the threads of our stories in such major ways before we even realize that the loom is being threaded. Today, I am thankful for the day in 2004 that brought me to my knees and caused me to change what I thought was my plan for life. I am thankful for the day when I met that girl who thought I was a snob. I am thankful for the night we sat in her apartment and felt that tug on out hearts to change our plans to His plan. And I am thankful for every day with my family of 3. This is us, and I am thankful for us. 

grateful

It's been a month to the day since our profile has "officially" been released for viewing. Y'all, this is tough. We've spent so much time in prayer over this birth mother that will choose us and this precious baby that will one day be ours. We have entrusted our hearts and our plans to God, but nothing can really prepare you for the waiting. The waiting has indeed been blessed, as we've gotten to do things that are "just" us. But it's also really really - really - tough. 

It's difficult to actually put that faith and trust into action. It's tough knowing that with the holidays approaching, we will be faced with numerous questions of, "When are we getting a baby?" and having to answer, "We have no idea." It's tough being Captain Type-A and not being able to plan even the next month because of the unknown. It's tough being told that this birth mother was a no. It's trying to pretend to keep it all together. And maybe I don't have to have it all together. I don't have to have all of the answers. Sometimes it's tough to admit that.

I was telling one of my dearest friends about the latest "no" we received, and he quickly reminded me of all of the things I have to be grateful for: a home with space for this baby, a wife who loves Jesus first and foremost, jobs with which we can support this baby, a close-knit group of friends who will support us on this journey, the sheer amount of fundraising we've been able to do in the past 15 months. He reminded me of Psalm 126:3, "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." Woah - that one hit me right in the teeth. 

You see, I have so very much for which to be grateful - the fact that two birth mothers have chosen life in their circumstances; the greatest support system I could even dream of; a social worker who prays for us daily and updates us constantly of the progress; the sheer number of people who have invested their finances, time, and prayers into us; a nursery that we could literally use tonight if we had to. I could go on for days of the things for which I am grateful within our adoption.

Outside of our adoption, my list is just as long. I am grateful for truly the greatest school district in the country, a group of coworkers there who have my back in all things and can't wait to meet the newest member of our little math-nerd family, the same scenario in my wife's school, two families who love us and our future child beyond my wildest imagination, friends who speak truth into my life when I need it the most, a God who blesses me beyond what I deserve. And I am thankful that each "no" is just a stepping stone on the path to His best "yes." Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!