marathon musings

Adoption is a lot like running a marathon. You complete questionairre after questionairre. You fund raise and fund raise. You pray and you pray. That's the training. 

And then you get a call that you've been chosen and have fewer than 72 hours to pack for multiple weeks worth of a stay out of state to pick up this baby that God has given to you. You hit the road for the agency several hours early in case you pass the turn (which you do) and your life changes in an instant when you lay eyes on this precious boy. That's getting to the starting line (especially if it's one of those bigguns with corrals and scattered starting times). 

And then you find out your state paperwork that has to be cleared for you to return home has been submitted earlier than you imagined and you think you'll be home in a couple of days. And your hopes escalate really quickly because you think of all the people you can introduce him to before you return to work. Pretty soon you look down at your watch and find you've run the 5K portion in 22:00. Oh. Crap. {Been there!} 

And then the phone doesn't ring. And the days pass. Your legs grow lethargic. You realize you've gone through 3/4 of your water pack and have one peanut butter pouch remaining before you hit the half marathon mark. So you cry. And you cry some more. You cry out to God to ease this pain and give you some rest. 

You trudge along and walk some because your legs literally cannot face the hills any longer. You realize your friends who have signed up for text updates won't be receiving them as frequently so you get anxious about that. And then you pray for God to move a mountain for you to go home and ease this mounting anxiety. This is miles 14-25, during which you think you will never sign up for another one {spoiler: you will sign up. Probably within weeks of finishing this one}.

And then you realize that you're only 1.3 miles (2K) from the finish line. So you wipe your eyes, blow a mean snot rocket over your shoulder, and you forge ahead. You realize that the time may not be the PR you had hoped for, but you sill accomplished something great. I see the finish line ahead. I'm trusting God to carry me there. 

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which Hod has called me heavenward in Christ Jeaus." - Philippians 3:13-14

reality

Well, y'all. This is it. Our last few hours of just the two of us. In fewer than 12 hours, we will officially be a party of 3. I get to meet my SON this afternoon! And of course, it's 3:00 am, and I am wide awake with anticipation. So I do what any normal over-sharer does - go to the nursery and blog while praying my phone restore will cause it to suddenly be able to find a signal. {Update: It worked. Hallelu! Can you imagine me without a GPS?} This is real life.

Let me rewind this. At the end of October, our profile went live, and then the reality and fear of waiting set in. No after no after no. But then God. While on our way to celebrate our 4th anniversary (which was exactly a year from the day on which we began this journey), we received an info summary on a birth mother. R was reading the information to me as I drove, and as soon as we got to dinner, I prayed over us before we got out of the car. I felt God stirring in my soul, asking, "Do you trust me completely?" After further prayer & discussion, we agreed to show our profile. Looking back, I realize that I was not as anxious in the waiting with this particular birth mother as I had been in the past. 

Fast forward through the weekend to a Monday that started like any other in which the calendar in the kitchen was chocked full of events. I had gotten home from work and was putting away dishes when my phone rang, and it was R. At first her words of "It's us!" confused me, since she was babysitting, and I had a thought that she was calling me with the kids in the background to sing or something (don't ask - I have no justification for this thought process now). When I asked what she meant, she simply replied, "She chose US!" Cue tears upon tears upon tears. Picture D in his fat pants, sliding down the wall rejoicing that our prayers were being answered. Driving to family dinner, I began calling my inner circle & sending frantic "please call me when you can" texts (at red lights of course, because safety) to follow-up the voicemails that followed the missed calls. My favorite reaction was one of our dearest friends whose voice got higher and higher with each word she spoke/screamed. It was truly fantastic.

We had to keep the news under wraps for a short time and could only tell the people who had to know - our families, close friends who had been praying with us earnestly, our supervisors at work. While I wanted to shout from the rooftops our good news, I knew that I could not because of the legal process. We began receiving more information from our social worker & making our plans to travel out of state. I am grateful for an awesome school district who granted me a mini baby leave for travel, bonding, & settling. I am thankful for administrators who have loved on us & who held candid conversations about the gospel with me that really did my heart good. I am thankful for my wife's school who will allow her to return to the classroom in the fall.

In the past 60 hours, our washer has seen more cycles of sanitize than in the entire 7 years it's been used. We've run errands and met up with friends who had goodies for us. We've packed and overpacked - and shockingly enough, edited some of the packed items. We've written our final payment check to the adoption agency (#debtfree). We've received an overflow of love and support from our friends and family - sentimental books with inscriptions that made me cry, bottles from friends who had plenty and knew we only had 5, diapers and wipes, onesies that are so cute I just squeal when I look at them, money to help with travel expenses as we will be out of state for a time, prayers, prayers, prayers, shoulders to lean on, and so much more. We've gotten car seats installed (spoiler alert - neither as easy as it looks nor as complicated as it was in the '80s). We've packed our diaper bags, which may or may not have caused a mini-meltdown on my behalf ("I have no idea what I'm doing, and storing things in nooks & crannies is my thing!"). Oddly, we haven't cleaned the house or ironed, two of my favorite chores; I have already said I wouldn't be ashamed or offended to pass these off to anyone who offered. 

We have rejoiced over God's goodness, his provision, & his timing. Guys, we shouldn't be able to adopt debt free. But God. Every single time we needed funds, he provided. Every single time we needed comfort after a broken experience, he sent a reminder of his love for us. Every time I've gotten outside of my head and stopped listening to his heart, he has brought peace. He provided a child within a year of our filing date - an anomaly in the adoption world. 

He provided so many reminders of the perfection of his timing. We received information on this baby on our anniversary. We celebrated the traditional anniversary gift of fruit by planting an apple tree in the backyard over spring break. We later discovered that we planted it ON our baby's birth day and were basically making the final purchase when he was born. I get chills every time I think of that and the way God sent a reminder that he is faithful to fulfill his promises to us.

There are so many details I want to share with you all, but I cannot at this time. When he is officially ours in our home state, know that your news feeds will be blown up with pictures and stories of this precious gift (someone remind me I used that phrase when I'm covered in puke & cleaning up a blowout diaper!). Here are some specific things you can join with us in prayer over: 1. That our ICPC packet will clear before Friday, 4/22, so that we can all return home together as a family of 3. 2. Safe travels for us today and for my in-laws as they bring the camper for us to stay in. 3. Restful time of bonding with our baby & adjust to life as the three of us. 

I cannot wait to see where God takes this little one & the way that he has received & will continue to receive all the glory. May the decisions we make and the way we raise our son be indicative of his love for us & the way that he chose to adopt us into HIS family. Friends, this has been a crazy ride, but I have a feeling that that was just the first loop around the track. Thank you for your support & prayer. And thank you for reading the random ramblings from my heart.