It's been a whirlwind week in our home. To summarize: get call that we were matched for adoption Saturday night, learn baby was born Sunday morning (a little more than 2 weeks early), meet birth mother Monday, begin mad baby prep all week, end the school year Friday, then get the call we selfishly never wanted Saturday night. We learned that the baby boy we were waiting for would not be coming to our home.
This was a baby boy we had met, held in our arms, and named. A baby boy we had prayed for, told our older son about, and had received countless gifts for. And yet he would be returning to his birth mother's home and not joining our family. Literally hours before the period to withdraw the relinquishment of parental rights ended, this brave birth mother still chose to parent.
My fleshly response was anger ("Why wait so long to choose this? Why tell me one thing to my face and then do something different?") instead of rejoicing and grace. As some of you know, this woman attempted a medically-aided abortion for this boy, BUT GOD! He sustained this life, and He obviously has big plans for this little life. Even if those plans don't happen while that boy lives in our home, it will still bring glory to God. And that is worth celebrating, because it is not about me anyway!
Through a providential situation, my mother in law was at the house when we got the call. She immediately began comforting both of us while also grieving with us. At one point she asked me what I needed her to do, and all I could do was respond, "I just need a hug," so we stood in the kitchen and cried and hugged. She then took our son to Chick-fil-A so Rebekah & I could move some baby items to the shed, grieve together, and eat. I had a good sob or ten. We were able to come to terms with what was behind us and what lies ahead of us.
There has been a really bittersweet element to this entire week. Bitter in that what we had hoped for and believed for, and rejoiced for was not going to come to fruition when and how we expected. Bitter in that the nursery would once again be empty. Bitter in that we were oh so close to the finish line to be called for a false start, if you will. But sweet in that we have still been given such a platform to glorify God. Sweet in that we know this is a child who has life and will still be loved. Sweet in that I have truly experienced the love of our village. Every comment, text, message, and call has been much appreciated and has encouraged us. We even had a friend from church text Rebekah this morning that the Lord had woken her up in the middle of the night to pray for us - before she had read the news on social media! Just the faithfulness of this friend brought tears to my eyes. If that doesn't light your fire, then I hate to inform you that your wood is wet.
I shared one of my favorite quotes from John Piper to my instagram this morning, and the entire context can be found here. His basic premise is that yes, we should grieve, but then we should wash our faces, and embrace what is before us. And that is indeed what I plan on doing. There may be times in the coming weeks when I will just cry, and that's ok. There may be times when I don't want to be around people for a short time, and that's ok too. But I will not let this event break me or shake my faith in God and his divine plan for our family. He is sovereign above all, and He is still on the throne. In the end, He wins. And that is all that matters. May He be praised forever.
