Y'all know that I love questions - they're the very foundation of my teaching style, I married a girl whose favorite question is "What if...", and to be honest I am semi-skeptical person who questions 85% of what is presented to me. And if you've been following my blog long enough, you know that I also love answers. It's good to have questions, but in my mind it's great to have the answers. If I know what I'm tasked with or what the end result will look like, I know what approach I should take in solving the problem.
It's been a month since we formally placed our adoption on hold. And overall, it's been a month of peace and joy in our home. No, it hasn't been rainbows, unicorns, unlimited decaf, and the like. But it has been much better than some times in the past. We have been unified and just back to enjoying our family and each other without pressure. We have both had a few moments when we leaned more towards the "this is it" side than the pressing pause side.
Last night, I was reminded that my word for 2020 is "HOPE." My hope is for restored relationships, a completed family, and just true joy that overflows out of my life into others. This morning in church, our pastor lead us through a time of prayer, and I just began praying for our family again. I asked the Lord, "Are we supposed to stop? Are we to be a one and done? I just want the answer." In a non-condemning way, I heard so clearly, "Not now, son. Not now."
As much as I fear the unknown and want the pretty little bow to end this chapter of my life, He didn't give me that. Let me be clear in saying that I have finally arrived at that place of being content if his answer for our family is "just one." I trust His will for our lives, and that is enough. So as much as I want a definitive answer, today He isn't giving me the answer key. He's just asking me to keep taking the test. And today, that is enough for me.
