2016

This year was a crazy one to say the least: new baby, new school, new responsibilities. Somehow I managed to read & listen to 79 books this year; I'm 80% complete on book 80, & I hope to finish listening to it before Saturday. I am thankful for mornings before work & long runs with my boy to listen to most of these. Because I don't have the time or patience to compile a #1 - 80 ranking, I compiled a Top 5 for fiction & non-fiction & a Bottom 5 across genres for the year. Each title is linked to its Amazon listing (technically, it's Amazon Smile that benefits our adoption agency - if you don't do Smile, you should.)

Top 5 Fiction
1. Modern Lovers by Emma Straub. We follow three college best friends as they age, and we see the repercussions of their actions across time. Strobe writes with a clear voice and created interesting characters who intertwined beautifully. 
2. Orphan #8 by Kim van Alkemade. A nurse who was once an orphan in a "medical test trial" orphanage has the chance to affect the last days of the doctor who made her life miserable in her early years. This one truly made me think about the effects of vengeance and bitterness over time.
3. Don't You Cry, Pretty Baby, & The Good Girl by Mary Kubica. Yes, I know this is 3 books, but I couldn't outrank one of these over the other. Kubica can spin a twisted tale - of mistaken identity, psychosis, & kidnapping - but be sure to have your dictionary handy; she loves big words. 
4. Lost and Found by Brooke Davis. An enjoyable tale of two crazy elderly folks and a young girl. I found the old lady to be delightfully tacky and brazen in an endearing way. It was a quick listen & a nice pick-me-up at a down time in the year for me.
5. The Nest by Cynthia d'Aprix Sweeney. A slight coming-of-age-ish tale about adult siblings and how their parents' actions & their actions all throughout life affected their current states of being. While the middle was very draggy for me and could have used some edits, it was a beautifully written work. 

Top 5 Non-Fiction
1. The Run of His Life: The People v. O.J. Simpson by Jeffrey Toobin. This was the book that the FX series American Crime Story was based on. Meticulously researched and well-written, this doozy of a read consumed my life for nearly a month.
2. Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology by Leah Remini. I am fascinated by occult culture (think FLDS) and escape stories. Remini is a hoot and a half, and learning about the truth behind this "church" was eye-opening. Her TV series that is currently on A&E is equally fascinating. 
3. First Women: The Grace and Power of America's Modern First Ladies by Kate Andersen. I will unashamedly admit that I love the Bush family - particularly Barbara & H.W. I loved this inside look at the lives inside the White House and the ladies who made it run. The author has also written another book about the life of "the help" at the White House that is on my radar.
4. A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy by Sue Klebold. This heartbreaking mother's look at one of the Columbine killers was fascinating and sobering all at once. As an adolescent at the time of the shootings, this was intriguing. As a father, it was terrifying to realize that we can seemingly do all the "right" things, but we cannot control our children.
5. Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys by Stephen James & David Thomas. In case you weren't aware, I am not a macho man. Raising a son can at times be terrifying for a guy who doesn't know all the "guy" things. I loved this practical look at the stages of boys and their mindsets and what we as parents and educators can do to help them become successful, productive men. 

Bottom 5 (All Fiction)
1. The Girls by Emma Cline. I just don't get the hype y'all. This was terribly terribly inappropriate. And not at all what I was expecting. I can't fully describe how uncomfortable this made me feel. 
2. 2 AM at the Cat's Pajamas by Marie-Helen Bertino. I'm still not sure if there were critters or humans involved in this one. Just weird all the way around.
3. The Children's Crusade by Ann Packer. This was truly a lesson in judging a book by its cover art. I loved the cover of the audiobook, and it sounded very much like a coming-of-age tale, but the characters were so static. And that made me sad.
4. The Versions of Us by Laura Barnett. While this did inspire another post on this blog, the book did not deliver in the way the synopsis promised. The premise was looking at how version A of my life might intersect with version C of your life and how that could alter history. It was very lengthy and not at all exciting. 
5. The Giver by Lois Lowry. I understand that this is a classic, but I did not enjoy it at all. The infanticide and the overall subject matter confuse me as to how it is considered children's literature. 

Maybe you agree with me on some and disagree on others, and that's ok! I hope this inspires you to think outside your traditional box of reading. Here's to 2017, y'all!

he provides

Dear Parent-in-Waiting,

I see you. I know where you've been. I know the pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the tears, the loneliness. I know the sleepless nights, the journal entries, the activities you take part in to fake yourself out. I know the uncomfortable feeling you get at holidays when mostly well-intentioned people ask when a baby is coming. I know the frequent trips to a quiet corner at family gatherings to wipe your eyes away from everyone. I know the fake smile you plaster on because it's what you do at Christmas - even if it truly is your favorite holiday. 

I know because I walked that road. You see that man? He was faking his way through Christmas a year ago because it's what he was supposed to do. I remember last Christmas as a very dark time in my life internally. About a year ago while we were visiting my family for Christmas in my hometown, we got an email alert from our social worker. We received an info summary on a baby girl who had already been born. Immediately our minds went to the joy of being able to surprise our family with a new baby at the Christmas gathering. We said yes. And then the agonizing wait began. We even used some time on our Christmas break from school to research nursery organization and think of ways we could make the space unique. 

We were getting ready for Christmas Eve candlelight service at church when we got the dreaded "she chose another family" email. While we rejoiced for this life and this baby girl's future, we grieved for the loss in our own hearts. And then we had to pretend to have it together in under 15 minutes because it was church time and that's what we do. The second song we sang that afternoon was "Away in a Manger." I sobbed my way through it so badly that I am genuinely shocked an usher didn't ask to take me to the prayer room. 

When we got home that night, we read scripture - through a cloud of tears - about joy and reminded ourselves that our joy was internal and eternal.

The next day at our family Christmas gathering, we were surprised with gifts for the baby we hadn't even met yet. Needless to say, there were tears galore. In the moment, I realized how blessed we are to have a family who was loving and caring for the baby that we didn't know yet but had prayed fervently for for years. I realized how much I had missed in that Christmas season because I was so caught up in my own sorrow and heartache. But the Lord began to restore my heart and remove my sorrow. And now, I am preparing to celebrate my first Christmas as a Dada.

Wherever you are - waiting for a match through adoption, waiting for a court date, waiting for just one positive pregnancy test and a healthy pregnancy - know that the Lord sees your sorrow and knows your heart. He will provide in His time and His plan. He will provide just what you need when He knows you need it. We may not always like that time aspect, but He has written the entire book that we are only reading sentence by sentence. Remember that you have friends who will stand in the gap for you, a family who loves you, and a God who provides for you. 

May your future Christmases exceed your wildest dreams.