hootnanny

I love collections of humor essays because sometimes I just need a laugh. The wife has been away for a girls' beach weekend, so I need an extra laugh - especially after cutting lamination for 4.5 hours (not a dramatization). Celia Rivenbark is the master of guffaw-inducing material about life in the south. If you enjoy her work, you should enjoy my newest read. I'm always up for a new book of essays, so I was thrilled to see a new one on the featured shelf at the library. Hence how I stumbled upon People I want to Punch in the Throat. One of my great friends and former colleagues often speaks of punching people in the throat, so I was instantly intrigued. (Shoutout to my favorite MoWa DeLois!)
Jen Mann, author of a blog by the same title, presents a collection of short essays on everything from meeting her now-husband on AOL Chat and wearing overalls (shoutout to my beloved & Shalla who are trying to bring them back!) on their first "not a date" to the horror of a middle-aged woman asking for a dressing room at her garage sale so she could try on some $1 brassieres. The main people she seems to want to punch are the moms at her children's school - the ones who want her to employ "systems" for organization, create the most original crafts, and are disappointed in the lack of healthy offerings at the school carnival. In short, she would want to punch me in the throat. I laughed a good bit and finished it rather quickly, but I don't think Jen & I would be good friends.

3 (of 4) dusty book jackets. 

swan song

You probably know by now that Gone Girl is my all-time favorite novel, followed by the classic To Kill a Mockingbird. For years and years and years TKAM held the post, and I never thought I would change that; my reasons for replacing it are not for this post. I remember the magic of reading TKAM as a high-school junior, finding the movie marvelous, and rediscovering the book in college. Harper Lee managed to capture all the things we love and love to hate about growing up in the south and does so in a marvelous manner. If you're at all familiar with the scandal behind it, you know that since it was her only novel for so long and because she was friends with Truman Capote, there are rumors that she did not, in fact, write TKAM herself. I am not one of those people. I grew up less than 100 miles from her hometown and residence, so there was always an added appeal to the book growing up in the #251. Rebekah and I recently discussed my extreme love for all things Harper Lee (which may or may not be the inspiration of one of the #babydoop names on our list, but I digress), and she brought up that it was not as hallowed in her hometown near B'ham. I realized that this work is revered back home not only for its quality but also for the mystery and mystique behind Lee. Growing up in the stomping grounds of the book made it that much more real to us. 

Unless you've been living under a rock, you know by now that Lee recently released Go Set a Watchman, which some saw as a follow-up to the sacred TKAM. Ms. Lee is currently in an assisted-living facility and her lawyer appears to be the driving force behind its release, so plenty of people were crying foul. As it turns out, GSAW was Lee's first draft and looked at Jean Louise Finch, who we all knew as Scout, as a 26-year-old returning to Maycomb, Alabama, from New York for her annual trip home. Her editors thought she could do better and wanted more insight into the childhood of JLF, so TKAM is what we got. And it is lovely - Scout is pretentious and stubborn, Atticus is the noble father she adores, and her town is full of crazy people. Her mastery of Southern culture and language is evident throughout, and I'm not here to blog about that because there's not much more I can add to the discussion. Before attacking GSAW I read TKAM again to get a fresher take on the collected work.

There are plenty of people who have expressed opinions that GSAW does not portray the characters in the same light, that the language isn't the same, or that it just isn't as rich as TKAM. I am not one of those people. Please understand that I'm very much of the opinion that you determine your opinion about things, and that if you are expecting to hate something you very likely will. I was determined to not be one of those people. I began looking at TKAM through a new lens for the purpose of supporting what I thought I would find in GSAW. I'm not going to give any plot points away, because I know a lot of you (my beloved included) don't want it spoiled but want a review of what I experienced. I will attempt to address the main "strikes" as I see them based on what I've read from others & their experiences. (Sorry not sorry for the longest introduction in history of blogging.)

I have to agree that the language in GSAW isn't as rich as it is in TKAM, but who's first draft ever is? I have a BS degree for a reason, and I was the master of flowery language when necessary. The descriptions in GSAW are admittedly not as vivid as they are in TKAM, but they are adequate. Think about your favorite recording artist. Does their first album sound as good as their latest project? If they are doing their job right, they got better with time. So. Did. Harper, y'all. We have to almost flip a switch in our brains because what we know as her second work takes place first chronologically. There are a few paragraphs that appear verbatim in both works (which, yes, could've been plagiarized / ghost written, but it wasn't enough to make me think that was the case). It was a bit troublesome that the narrative was inconsistently first-person only in bouts; in all honesty, I wanted JLF's view throughout the entire work.

The biggest complaint I have read from others who have read both is that they simply don't hear the characters' voices in the same way. I beg to differ. Jean Louise is still bull-headed as ever. If you don't think so, I refer you to the entirety of chapter 17 in GSAW. Scout was a vocal 7-year-old, one who wasn't afraid to march up to Mr. Cunningham/Coningham in the town square and talk about his son eating at her house one day while he had every intention of causing trouble for Atticus. Jean Louise is equally vocal, "in no sense of the word an easy person," and not at all afraid to give Atticus a piece of her mind when he has disappointed her. Aunt Alexandra is consistently portrayed as a tireless prude who is only concerned with her stupid corsets and how "the family" looks in the eyes of the community. News flash, Zandra, no. one. cares. There was a heavier dose of her influence in GSAW for reasons that you will find apparent when (not if) you read it. 

Cal & Atticus have been the two biggest problems for many readers, mainly because the viewpoints are drastically different across the two works. There are flashback scenes in GSAW in which Cal is shown through a caring, loving lens, but if you've read it, you know there is that one scene that causes the reader to wonder what happened to skew the relationship. I have to admit that I wondered as well, but I remember that Cal was out of her element in working for the Finches, and Scout even admitted that she lived a "separate existence outside our household." Atticus is probably the toughest character to dissect (insert every facebook article you saw about Atticus jumping off the popular name list in Alabama...and a healthy eye roll from yours truly). I will admit that he is portrayed as a bit of a bigot in GSAW, a role that no one would've ever guessed after TKAM and his constant care of Helen Robinson and her family after Tom is shot (seriously, that can't be a spoiler for you at this point), not to mention the general way that he preached social consciousness to Scout & Jem. JLF is indignant about the new Atticus as she sees him, but thankfully, Uncle Jack points out that "men like me and my brother are obsolete and we've got to go, but it's a pity we'll carry with us the meaningful things of this society - there were some good things in it." Essentially he changed with the times because he HAD to. Jean Louise finds it more shocking because she's not around the goings-on of Maycomb, the racial tension of the civil rights movement, and her father's practice on a daily basis anymore. Even if she doesn't agree with his stance, perhaps she understood why it had to happen. And for those who say that she was so enamored with Atticus in TKAM, which made the viewpoint in GSAW more shocking, I have to argue that, while she did admire his stand for justice, there were times she merely tolerated him, referring to him as "satisfactory" in the opening pages in TKAM. I noted several instances throughout TKAM in which she seems downright disgruntled with him; she's not the daddy's girl we all made her out to be for the past 50 years. Also, consider your viewpoint on any individual who you revered during your childhood. Did your attitude toward that person ever change over a period of 20 years? We are all human, and our experiences shape us and the way we look at others; shouldn't the same be true for Scout and Atticus' relationship? Uncle Jack summed it up well near the end of GSAW: "Remember this also: it's always easy to look back and see what we were, yesterday, ten years ago. It is hard to see what we are." 

On its own, Go Set a Watchman was a nice look at life in small town Alabama, even if it wasn't as deep as many readers would have liked. I walked away from it grateful that it was published, because in all honesty, who didn't wonder what happened to adult Scout? The differences in characterization I feel are mainly due to changing viewpoints at other parts of life. When considered with To Kill a Mockingbird (NOT as a sequel, but as an extension), we may finally have a complete take of childhood and early adulthood in the segregation-era south. The magic lives on.

4 (of 4) dusty book jackets.

hogwarts in high school

     Back-to-school is my second favorite time of year, only behind Christmas. I'm obsessed with school supplies, planners (please do yourself a favor and buy Plum Paper; it will change your life), every aspect of a new school year. This is my 8th year in the classroom (how is that even possible?), and I will be in a new school system much closer to home. I feel that a teacher's classroom should be an extension of himself and that he must be comfortable in it if the year is to be successful. One thing my students say about my class is that it's always organized; I have been diagnosed as obsessive compulsive, so it certainly makes sense. In my career, I've had a road sign theme, red & black, a beach (someone in her infinite wisdom had painted the walls to resemble sand and sky, I kid you not), but I wanted something quintessentially me this year, so I decided to do a Harry Potter theme. Something else you should know is that if I'm going to go, I'm going to go all out. I'm very much a details man, so I had to include all of the smallest specifics in my scheme. Also creds to my awesome wife for this blog title today! #alliterationalways She also gets creds for suggesting an HP theme.

     One of the first things I did was download some HP fonts (book cover and chapter titles) for making some signs. I love labels for everything (and I mean everything), so I downloaded some HP-themed logos like the deathly hallows, the lightning bolt, the snitch, the sorting hat, character likenesses, etc. to use as my backdrops for the signs. I will be teaching 3 preps, so color coding is key. Everything relating to Algebra A is red, Algebra 1 is blue, & Geometry is green for clarity. 

Learning Targets, Bell Ringers, Homework, Assessments for each class.

I downloaded a fabulous HP sign kit from Printyca at etsy to use as signs around the room just for fun. I also found some fun Potter-related quotes to hang up. 

These signs were such high-quality & worth every penny!

I even made my rules resemble the educational decrees found in HP & Order of Phoenix - down to the minutiae at the bottom. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't make some of these on your own - seriously this was all in MS Word.

I think Delores would be pleased.

     I'm an organizational fanatic. Some things that I've found helpful are having a definite make-up work system in place - somewhere where your students know exactly where to look to find out what they missed and don't have to ask you "Did I miss anything yesterday?" (Insert angry cat stare.) Eat Write Teach has an excellent template that I've adapted for the day-to-day information from class - objectives, bell ringers, homework, etc. - with an entire week using 1 sheet of paper. I used the template last year and was very pleased; I tweaked it a bit more to make it better suit my needs for the next year, and I think that I will like it more. I also employ a partial-credit-for-late-work system in my classroom to allow students to still recover points if they forget an assignment or were just overwhelmed a couple of times during the semester. Again, EWT has a handy form to use for this purpose. If a student does not have an assignment when I call for it, he must complete this form and turn it in to me; he then has up to 2 days to turn it in for partial credit (-20% each day for me). When I collect these, I immediately highlight that square in my gradebook and enter a 0 in the computer; I will change this when I get the completed assignment. For the naysayers (of whom I was one for the first six years of my career), I saw a marked increase in homework completion by using this system. I also have a tardy book in which students sign in if they do not report to class on time; I include a classroom management profile and parent contact log on the back of each student's record for convenience. I keep all of these items on a table right upon entering my classroom so students have the major things as soon as they walk in the door. 

The make-up folder is an edited History of Magic cover (so proud!) and the tardy binder is the Time Turner Tardy Log. The tissues are covering a hole in the table! The partial credit forms are in the yellow folder.

     My desk area is my haven. Every year, I tell my students that I don't go pilfering in their lockers, so they don't pilfer in my desk. A healthy dose of evil eye accentuates this point. My computer is right by my desk so on the rare occasions that I am able to enter in a grade or respond to an email, my back isn't to the students. My filing cabinet is in the same corner.

Desk area looking from student desks. Yes, It is catty wompus this year! I had a revelation!

Desk area looking from back of room.

Desk organizer from Staples. I bought this while I was still in college because I was that obsessed with it. It will change your life!

My desk organizer is essentially how I stay sane. It has everything I would need throughout the day - hall passes, tardy book forms, make-up book forms, completed yellow sheets, that random page of information that I was handed at the faculty meeting that someone will invariably ask me for next week. Sometimes I just look at it and weep tears of joy. I also have a teaching podium / center in the opposite back corner where my document camera goes and where I will do demonstration from; the hookup to my projector is on that side, and I like the idea of having my main view coming from the back of the room.

My fantastic FIL made me this podium, complete with chalkboard painted sides with an updated Quote of the Week. And my unofficially official hashtag!

     No HP room is complete without a House Cup in my humble opinion. So I devised a system in which my students can earn points for the entire house by not having tardies, making B or higher on an assessment, asking good questions, etc. They can also lose points based on the number of missed homeworks within their house for the week, having a certain number of tardies, discipline infractions, etc. On day 1, students will be sorted (via M&M's in a brown bag), and they will stay in that house throughout the year. They will compete across all 6 of my classes for a to-be-determined prize. I found some superhero masks at the teacher supply store that I will put below each house on the wall and write the students' names on so that they know who they are competing with and against.

House Cup & points system.

Characteristics of each house & crest.

Another view. There is a dry-erase board with each house for tallying points. The masks will be below each house description.

I found the house descriptions here, and I am obsessed with the bold, easy graphic quality of them. For the crests, I just google searched and found a set that I liked. Cutting them twice (yay lamination!) was more fun than a root canal.

     I recently discovered the fun and joy of QR codes in my classroom, and I can't believe it's taken me this long to start using them. Anyone with a QR reader app on a smartphone can save my contact information, sign up for Remind text alerts, or join my Schoology group. I added the codes for these directly in my syllabus that will go home to students & parents in addition to making posters with them to hang in my classroom. I love that I could create a contact card with one and students can send the remind text with another. These are also life-changing.

Each QR code is of course color coded, and the Schoology is a different font than the Remind.

     My beloved is also a teacher, and we love having summers together. I am fortunate enough that she helps me set up my classroom each year. She brings the creativity that I sometimes lack and is my sounding board for "Is this bulletin board too much?" We were able to get my entire classroom set up and organized today, and I know she is happy to finally have her sewing room back now that my school goods are out of there! I pretty much have to run copies, hang the curtains that we washed tonight, and get my rosters together and I am ready to go. 

My closet (complete with a filing cabinet that I'm hoping someone will claim so it can be taken from my inventory & clear up more closet space). 

House Rules bulletin board with the calendar posted. 

I always post a tutoring schedule for the week so I don't have to answer the question "Are you having tutoring this afternoon?" The contact info QR code is below it. Both of these are right inside the classroom.

Themed paper heading posted above my board so I don't have to answer "What do you want our heading to look like?" 8 zillion times.

I used some Target Dollar Spot washi-esque tape to divide each subject area into its area on the board. The topper has the subject (with glasses & lightning bolt logo), and each area has the Learning Targets (deathly hallows), Bell Ringer (lightning), & Homework (sorting hat).

Golden snitch assessment markers to add to the calendar. I used mahvalous tape so I could easily move them. The stuff lives up to its name.

I'm going to use this cool mirror as a dry erase area in some way. I printed a Mirror of Erised quote to hang on it & will put it on an easel once I get it from my MIL; apparently the life-span on an easel is 7 years. RIP Easel.

Student supply area with red pens (Ron), Expo marker (Hermione), & Expo board (Harry) labels. I found an illustration of the characters that I really liked and did a screen grab of the individual characters to make the labels. Ron got the red pens because ginger!

Math posters on the back wall because apparently I'm supposed to teach something beyond witchcraft.

     If I didn't post a link to something that you see and want a copy of my MS Word file that you can edit (you'll need to have one of the fonts I mentioned earlier), just shoot me an email and I'll be happy to pass that along. I pray that each of you has a fantastic school year! I'm ready for the GREATEST school year yet. It's a great day to be a Warrior! 

     P.S. I couldn't add captions to the next photo set...maybe blogger was getting tired of me? I've included some of the signs that I posted, my student tutoring / supply area, my favorite "Our house elves are on strike. You will have to clean up your own mess until further notice." sign, a Platform 9 3/4 label above my room number, and some wide shots of the classroom (sneaked one of my hottie helper!).

nifty knockoff

Sometimes during the summer, you just need a book of fluff. You know the ones that make you think about nothing deep or moving, are usually somewhat-poorly written, but they are somehow oddly addicting. Recently I stumbled upon The Knockoff by Lucy Sykes & Jo Piazza, which was just that. Full disclosure: I'm quite certain I saw the cover while perusing B&N for new titles to add to my library hold list (#teacherbudget), and thought "Oooh, shiny! Let's give this one a try." Whoever coined the phrase that you can't judge a book by its cover never went book shopping with me; I am much more drawn to artsy or graphic covers and can usually determine if a book is worth my time simply by the jacket cover. 
Much in the grain of The Devil Wears Prada (confession: Miranda Priestly is one of my spirit animals...ok ok, Meryl Streep is what does it for me), The Knockoff explores the not-so-nice side of the print fashion industry. We find Imogen, an "aging" (and by aging, I mean 40) editor-in-chief of a major fashion magazine in NYC who has recently returned to work from a six-month medical leave after a double mastectomy. She returns to find her former assistant - and recent Harvard B-school grad - Eve attempting to upend her and change the beloved magazine into an app which would allow readers to buy anything in the magazine with the tap of the screen (Hey GQ, how about making that a thing?), and Imogen is about as tech-savvy as your great aunt Martha. Eve attempts to rule the roost, despite holding a position beneath Imogen, and begins to run the office like a task master, forcing juice cleanses on those whom she deems too plump to sit on the front row of her wedding. Did I mention that her husband-to-be is Imogen's ex-boyfriend and nearly 25-years Eve's senior? 
In the midst of this, Imogen is facing battles with her 10-year-old daughter Annabelle's self-confidence at home, most of which is caused by a mysterious commenter on her YouTube channel who is known only as Candy Cool (if you don't see this "twist" coming, we can't be literary friends). At the heart of the book, I believe there is an intended message of "mean girls never win" and "stay true to yourself, even when facing bullies," but it was difficult to get that underneath all of the candy-coated fashion industry names and what not. There were several prominent fashion icons whose identities were changed, likely for the sake of a copyright law or just a lawsuit in general, throughout the book, which for me, seemed like the book itself was a knockoff. Was this a fun read? Yes. Did I gain anything besides another entry in my summer reading log (because prizes)? Probably not.

2.5 (of 4) dusty book jackets. 

run the race

Ron Clark, of the Atlanta-based prep school baring his name, has long been education's "it" boy. He just seems to get the mission of education and gives 100% every day. If I had $800 to spare, I would attend his educator training in a heartbeat. He teaches with passion, creativity, and vigor, and he is a true inspiration; all of his books that I have read have been phenomenal. His newest read, Move Your Bus, offers some great advice for anyone looking to bring about change in an organization. While MYB is directed more at the business world, there are things that educators can take away from the book.
According to Clark, every business, school, non-profit organization, etc. contains people who fall into one of 5 categories: Drivers, Runners, Joggers, Walkers, and Riders. The Driver is the leader, the Runner is the go-getter who gives 100% all of the time, the Jogger moves quickly and does a good job (but not extraordinary work) regularly, the Walker may occasionally have one burst of goodness during the year, and the Rider is just showing up to work. I think we all know coworkers who fit into each category, and sometimes it can be frustrating to see the way the Driver handles them. The great part about this book is that Clark gives tips to the leaders of an organization (how to handle Riders, how much energy to focus on Runners, etc.) as well as the other people on the bus (how to run every day, how to handle those who aren't giving their best effort). He also makes you search deep into yourself and figure out what bus member you are. As much as I wish (as I hope all teachers do) I were a Runner, I don't think that's the reality of my situation. It turns out I'm a Jogger (the irony of my current running pace isn't lost on me either) - attentive to detail, prompt, well-planned and dressed, but not knock-your-socks off. My mission this school year is to be a Runner - be the best version of myself I can be every single day. Plan engaging activities, go beyond what's expected, and give the students in my classroom my best every day. Because if I'm not giving my kids my best, I have truly failed for the day. Regardless of your profession, there is something you can take away from this quick read.

3.5 (of 4) dusty book covers.

rumor rundown

The blasted rumor mill. We've all been part of it at some point in our existence - either a victim or a customer. As much as we would like to stay away from it, it's out there. I'll never forget my worst experience with it. About four years ago, I had recently begun dating my now-wife, and we were heading out of town to her parents' house for a weekend of birthday celebrations and my meet and greet with the family - as in the first time I met any of them. Before we hit the road, Rebekah had a Dr. appointment, but not just any appointment - the lady doctor. Our plan was to hit the road right after the appointment, so I went with her and waited in the lobby. Low and behold, a parent (whose two younger children were former students of mine) at my school walks in with her oldest daughter for a pregnancy visit. You should also understand that I used to teach at a VERY conservative Christian school, the same one I attended for 13 years and basically knew everyone. So you can imagine (a) the awkwardness that ensued and (b) the flack I had to field when school began. Add to that the fact that we had just announced our engagement when school was starting back! Fun times, I tell you. I'm sure everyone reading this has a story about his or her worst experience with the rumor milll; I would love to hear them all, simply because the truth is usually so far from what everyone else hears these days that it's comical. 
Y'all know that Elin Hilderbrand is one of my favorite authors right now. She has a knack for a (slightly-trashy) beach read that always offers real characters who are believable and relatable. I've read most of her work, and I'm rarely disappointed. Her newest release, The Rumor, was written while she was battling breast cancer, so I was really excited to tackle it - so excited, in fact that the day it was released I got on the waiting list at the library for it and was shocked and excited when my name came up just a couple weeks later. I dove in Monday night, didn't read much Tuesday because I was working on my new classroom decorations (I'll blog about it when I'm all moved in), and then had all but 70 pages read when I went to bed Wednesday night. I would've stayed up to finish it, but PawPaw doesn't stay up late very often (and by late, I mean 9:00). After my run this morning, I finished it within about an hour and a half. I simply couldn't put this one down. 
Like all of Elin's reads, the entire book takes place on Nantucket Island, where she is actually a resident. Many of her major characters have recurring roles in minor ways in other books, including here. The central plot line of the book revolves around two married couples, Madeleine & Trevor King and Grace & Eddie Pancik, who are long-time best friends. They must grapple with how the public perception of things can shift the relationship dynamics simply because of "did ya hear?" I won't go into the details, because they are essentially the backbone of the book, but there are a lot of hurt feelings, scarred relationships, and of course a heavy dose of scandal. Will things be reconciled in the end? Will this finally be one of those "not happily ever after" reads? Elin often writes from an omniscient point-of-view that focuses on someone new each chapter, and in this one she even makes Nantucket itself one of those viewpoints, which is really what drives the rumor along. That viewpoint was strikingly different and beautiful. At the heart of the novel is a message of "can you believe everything that you hear?" and Elin manages to make the reader delve into his own experiences with this without being judgy or preachy. I loved this one from start to finish. Hilderbrand is the master of the summer novel.

4 (of 4) dusty book jackets.

For real, I want your rumor experiences in the comments!

it's all about you

     Some times, God can use the seemingly darkest times in your life to either bring glory to his name or to show you a truth you've been needing to learn. I've been struggling with my anxiety a great deal these past few months. I've written in my journal a lot, I've talked to counselors, I've run my chubby little legs off, I've scrubbed the house clean from top to bottom, I've ironed mountains of clothes, I've lost myself in the world of books, I've organized and reorganized my planners. While some of these are outlets that are necessary to keep my sanity, some of them are simply escape tactics - things I'm doing to avoid the issue at hand. 
     You see, I've had a lot of doubt about being good enough lately - a good enough son, husband, teacher, friend, runner, person in general. I worry so much about whether or not I'm doing what I need to in my marriage to strengthen it before we really get into the home study portion of our adoption. I then find myself closed off from my wife simply because I'm so afraid of saying that one thing that will send things toppling into the abyss. It has gotten to the point of borderline depression these past few days - affecting everything from my brain function to my runs that I cut short simply from lethargy. 
     I was so consumed with this fear and doubt last night that I could do nothing but cry as I tried to fall asleep. I then began experiencing more anxiety about seeing people - not anyone in particular, just people - at church. My thought process was "These people are going to ask how I'm doing, and I'm not doing fine. (Sidebar: If being a "readable" person were an Olympic event, I would be a gold medalist. I can't hide my emotions if I tried!) They're not going to have time to listen to my drama nor do they care." Do you see how asinine this thinking pattern was? I was telling myself that I couldn't even go to church for comfort from what was eating me alive. That makes zero point zero sense. If I can't go to God's house and be comforted by fellow believers, where can I go? I realized this morning that all of this was just Satan trying to get me down so I would stay home today, but I'm glad I didn't.
     After the first song ended, I heard plainly in my spirit, "It's not about you." Well if that didn't just hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was consumed - literally consumed to the point of only thinking about this one thing - with my problem that I couldn't even see past what was right in front of me. In our most recent counseling session for our adoption, I learned that my attachment style would be classified as avoidant-dismissive, meaning I'm typically closed off from others, self-sufficient, and lack genuine emotional connection with others. The good news is, God's not through with me yet and I can work toward becoming a more secure adult by giving care, receiving care, negotiating my needs, and remaining autonomous (pretty sure I have the first and last one down pat!). As I sat on the counselor's couch, I began weeping because for the first time in this entire process I realized my purpose. I, just like all of you, am a broken individual. Our precious baby who we pray for every day will be a broken individual who will need a father to lead him from brokenness and show him exactly what secure looks like. It's as if I finally realized that my brokenness had a purpose. It was a true breakthrough. Now, I realize that even when I reach that point of security, I won't always be 100% on all points of it, but I know what it looks like and what I need to do to get there. None of this is about me. My insecurities, my anxiety, my selfish desires. It's all about Christ and showing His love and mercy to those around us.  
     Since my moment in church I've been singing a precious song I remember singing in chapel band in high school called "Jesus, Lover of My Soul." It's not the popular Hillsong version, but instead has a verse that says "It's all about you, Jesus. And all this is for you, for your glory and your fame. It's not about me, as if you should do things my way. You alone are God, and I surrender to your ways." It's a beautiful song that we actually recorded as part of our album we put out that year (Gosh we were so daggum cool!), and I was hoping to find my copy of it to share but couldn't. You can instead click here to listen to it on YouTube...apologies that I couldn't find a video recording and had to settle on this lovely lyric video. I pray that every day I keep this song playing in my heart, because it's truly not about me.

life of a legend

Last September, the world lost a comedic legend in Joan Rivers. Say what you will about her, but no one could match her quick, cutting wit. She said what we were all thinking and never apologized for being who she was. I loved that despite the things she said in her act, she was never afraid to make fun of herself. I've listened to both of her recent books, Diary of a Mad Diva and I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me, read by the master herself - entreating in its own right. I was so pleased that Joan's daughter Melissa Rivers recently released a tribute to her late mother, The Book of Joan.
Through a series of hilarious essays, Melissa gives us an idea of what it was like to grow up with Joan as a mother - the ups, the downs, the in-betweens. Rivers writes with a touching honesty and humor not unlike what made her mother so famous. While I won't say it read like a biography, I can't entirely say it read like a memoir either. Imagine taking some of the most prominent memories of a dear family member and writing about them. That is exactly what Melissa did. I laughed, laughed, and laughed some more. Next thing I knew, I was turning the final page and reading about their last minutes together, and I was crying. This book was a very fast to read - less than a day of total reading time for me. Rivers tells a beautiful story of Joan, who is missed by so many. If you are a fan of Joan at all, you must read this.

4 (of 4) dusty book jackets. 

flynn fraud

If you know my love of books, you know that Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl is my all-time favorite book. Hands down. It's twisted, brilliant, and snarky all at once. So when I hear a new book is the next GG and I see that the film rights have been picked up by Reese Witherspoon's production company, I'm on board. Jessica Knoll was being hailed as a new Gillian Flynn in her debut novel Luckiest Girl Alive. So to the library website I went to place a hold on the book and begin my wait. And wait. And wait. Seriously, I waited for over a month for this one, all the while hearing that it's just fantastic. You should also know that our county library system isn't the largest, and even the most popular books are often only purchased in trios. You should also know I'm not the most patient individual in the world, so when my email finally arrived, I dashed to the library elated to get my hands on it. I was a little sad that my librarian didn't strike up a conversation about it, but I wasn't too sad to take this amazing selfie with the book when I got in the car.

Seriously, y'all. This is my life!

I finished up the book I was reading and skipped the others on my list to dive into this find. 

LGA finds Ani FaNelli-soon-to-be-Harrison (formerly TifAni. Seriously what kind of name is that? Shame on you Mrs. FaNellli!) living what appears to be the dream life as an editor for a Cosmo-esque (sidebar: the author truly is an editor at Cosmo...just sayin') magazine in Manhattan, only weeks away from her dream wedding to a wealthy man who will make all of her dreams come true. All the while, Ani keeps alluding to "the event" from high school that haunted her in her freshman year at a prestigious prep-school on the other side of the tracks from her Philadelphia suburb home. We get snippets here and there through alternating chapters of present-day and 2001. It turns out, she wasn't the good girl everyone thought she was, and several young men took advantage of her after a night of hard partying. When we return to present-day, she keeps referencing a documentary that she and her then-cross country coach are going to be participating in about "the event," which in all honesty I thought was the rape. I won't give away what the event was, but it changed her life and the community's forever. She finds herself on the wrong end of things and no one trusts her - even her parents. Essentially, New York and her rich man were what she was looking for to erase the pain of the past; her new take on her dreadful name is just the first step in her escape from Philly. 

Things happen during the documentary, and she is essentially allowed to make amends with her past and one of the main perpetrators against her. When she returns home just before her Nantucket wedding, some things have changed. I won't go into detail, but for me the entire last chapter ruined the book. The ending was total rubbish. Not a twist that I didn't see coming, but just a horrible ending to an otherwise decent tale. I loved the way that Ani told her story - first-person, heartbreakingly real, and full of deadpan wit. I can't count the number of times I read a paragraph aloud to my wife (check out her blog here) because the inner dialogue was just that funny. One of my favorite twisted lines was "I lost my virginity to someone who never saw my breasts." Such a weird yet poignant line. I love a female protagonist who is witty, authoritative, and cutting (use your own language here, but I won't say that word). You know the kind who can cut you the meanest dig in the book without your even realizing it; those are my kinds of heroines. Knoll delivered on that front. Her writing style was en pointe; I wish her plot had been as well.

2.5 (of 4) dusty book jackets.