Wednesday, December 30, 2020

best reads of 2020

I always like to participate in reading challenges. This year, I of course did the Modern Mrs. Darcy challenge (completed in June, thank you very much). But I also created my own challenge by seeking to read 12 or more books from each of the following categories: rereads / re-listens of past favorites, banned books, YA / dystopian, and minority authors. Some books met more than one category and were counted as such (for example, Scythe got counted as minority, YA, and banned since it was in all of those categories). I was able to meet my goal and even exceed it in some categories - 20 minority books! My go to genre is thriller, and those always seem to be written by old white men and (maybe) crazy white women, so this year really stretched me, and I loved it! At the outset of 2020, I also had a goal to read and listen to 55 books. Welp, with a global pandemic and way more time at home, I was able to read and listen to 105 books this year. As always, here is my roundup of my top reads and listens of the year. I typically make a top 10 list, but since there are no rules in 2020, I did 13 favorites. My original plan was 12, but I had a New Year's Adam audio finish that warranted being added to the list after I had this draft written. I am numbering this with the ones I found myself always going back to and recommending to others at the very top.

1. Rodham (Curtis Sittenfield) - What would have happened if Hillary had not married Bill? That is the question this gem seeks to answer. I am not typically a fan of reimagined history (or the family at the spotlight), but I am a fan of beautiful writing, which Sittenfield gave us in spades, and the White House in general. The most interesting part of this was how Bill & Hillary were still in each other's orbits by the end of the book. I devoured this book, and I probably recommended it to everyone I know. This was my favorite of the year by a landslide.

2. Such a Fun Age (Kiley Reid) - This book was a hard read, but all in all it was a delight. A young African-American babysitter is accused of first kidnapping and then abusing the Caucasian girl who is in her care, and the media storm that follows is large. This opened up a lot of good conversations about our perceptions about race relations in America and especially class privilege. There was more language than I would have liked, but I find myself able to skip over that more when I am reading versus listening. Our protagonist was full of growth and strength, and I loved her even more for that.

3. Coast to Coast Murders (James Patterson) - If you've followed my reading for any length of time, you know James and I have an on again / off again relationship. And this one brought my back into his orbit full circle (to the point of getting caught up on the Alex Cross series this month). We see adopted siblings being framed for murder at the outset and later learn the deep affect of their psychiatrist parents' experiments on their lives. I could not put this book down, and I finished the 500+ pages in just over 48 hours. 

4. The Vanishing Half (Brit Bennett) - What are the consequences for passing as white? How is your life different if you choose not to pass as white? Bennett expertly answered that question in this heartbreakingly beautiful narrative that sees twin sisters who are light-skinned follow different paths. One chooses to pass as white and one does not. The ramifications for each are deep and life-changing. I recommended this book for our faculty book club, and it got mixed reviews - mainly for character development. I agree that there could have bene more growth, but the prose in this won me over. I filled up an entire page in my reading journal with beautiful (and sometimes heartbreaking) quotes from it.

5. City of Girls (Elizabeth Gilbert) - The best word I heard to describe this was "razzmatazz," and that hit the nail on the head. Our protagonist Vivian leaves her sheltered life to become a seamstress for show girls in 1940s New York. The imagery and characters were a true delight. There were some blush-worthy moments, but I feel like it kept in tone of what the book was trying to accomplish. Rebekah & I both listened to this on audio and hooted with laughter multiple times. The narrator was a true delight. If you pick this one up, know that about 1/2 - 3/4 it bogs down a bit, but it does pick back up in the end.

6. Mexican Gothic (Silvia Moreno-Garcia) - Set in 1950s Mexico, we find Noemi headed to her cousin's house after she receives a worrying letter about her husband possibly trying to kill her. What is revealed is that the estate she is living in is haunted. Noemi seeks to find the truth to save her cousin while also avoiding the trap of the house. This was the perfect balance of spooky and interesting without going overboard on the scary factor. I listened to this the week of Halloween, and it was perfect for that time of year. Also, the cover gave me ALL kinds of Hispanic Olivia Pope vibes.

7. Know my Name (Chanel Miller) - You may know Chanel's name from her victim impact statement went viral on Buzz Feed following her sexual assault by Brock Turner, an swimmer at Stanford with Olympic hopes. This was a heartbreaking account of the way Chanel's life was impacted by the night of the attack. It was not an easy read, but it was also important in terms of being a voice for victims and proving we really need to do a better job at listening to them.

8. The Stationery Shop (Marjan Kamali) - We find Roya and Bahman, two star-crossed teens in 1950s Tehran and how their lives change and intertwine decades later. I don't want to go into too much detail, because it will spoil the plot. The stationery shop, in itself, is a character here. I laughed, I cried, I talked back to the characters. This was a delight on audio.

9. Big Summer (Jennifer Weiner) - Weiner is hit and miss for me. Sometimes she goes a little too far left into the political landscape, and sometimes we get super sappy stories of friendship and love. This one, however, was neither, and it was a homerun in my book. Daphne, a plus-sized influencer, is asked to be a bridesmaid in her high school BFF's wedding. Drue has everything Daphne wants, and even though they had parted ways because of the way Drue treated her, Daphne can't resist Drue's orbit of influence. While at the wedding festivities though, this turns into a murder mystery. I never saw that part coming, and the remainder of the book is spent determining whodunit in a non-cheesy way. As a FFF (former fat friend) I saw so much of myself in this narrative. It was a delightful summer read, and I tore through it quickly.

10. Ghosts of Harvard (Francesca Serritella) - Cadence feels compelled to attend Harvard to investigate the apparent suicide of her older brother, Eric, who is schizophrenic. As she starts to hear voices and meet ghosts on the campus, she being to worry that she is also mentally ill. As her personal and family life begin to spiral out of control, she attempts to come to grips with her reality. The notes of psychological thriller mixed with mystery and academia so expertly. This was a hefty read, but I enjoyed it even more when I learned the author is the daughter of Lisa Scottoline, one of my favorite mystery writers.

11. Rising Strong (Brene Brown) - I love love love me some Brene. There were times when I wanted to throw this book across the room because she stepped on my toes so much. She dives deep into overcoming failure and setback while also getting better because of it. She really investigates the idea that everyone is doing their best and just needs a little grace and mercy, which is something I know I can give to people way more often than I do. I also have learned a lot from her line, "Here's the awful scenario I'm making up in my head," while in the middle of a hard rumble with a loved one. I want to be BFFs with Brene.

12. The Dutch House (Ann Patchett) - A generational tale of the Conroy siblings Danny and Jocelyn and the house that they grew up in, this one was one of my most anticipated reads this year. I listened to it early in the year and really enjoyed it. Tom Hanks is the narrator, and he is positively divine as the reader. If you read it in print, I highly recommend you listen to it later. The house was basically a character in the book, which I loved. There was not a great deal of plot movement, in my opinion, but the stories were woven together so expertly.

13. Speaking for Myself (Sarah Huckabee Sanders) - This was one of my final audios of the year, and it was a late addition to the list. Sarah is the daughter of former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee and the former Press Secretary for Trump. She wrote at length about the struggles her family faced when her dad first took office and the bias against Trump as she worked in his administration. It was very informative and candid. She reads the audio, which was nice to hear. Please be mindful of multiple sources of information. 

It was a banner year for my reading - a personal high in books read, in addition to reading things outside of my comfort zone. I will post details for my goals for 2021 reading later, but I am planning to tackle the MMD challenges and The Unread Shelf Project as well. If you read any of these, or just have recs that you think I'll like, leave me a comment. Happy reading, friends.


Monday, December 7, 2020

full story people

Last Tuesday night, we got the call that we were matched. Again. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified that we would find ourselves in the same situation as we were in last May. Our social worker reminded us continually on that call that, as we are fully aware, it is not at all final and won't be until several days after this little girl is born. The fear and the anxiety are there, and truth be told will continue to be there for the next 2 months. Don't get me wrong; the joy and excitement are still there. But so are the fear and anxiety. I've been continually reminded over the past 18 months that we have two different hands for holding two vastly different emotions. And I am so grateful for those two hands.

It's interesting how differently people process this fear about the unknown. I am cautiously optimistic about what lies ahead. I trust God and his sovereignty completely. I am doing my best to avoid sitting in my negative emotions by doing all the things and making all the to-do lists. I want to avoid the tears by just heaping on the joy and excitement in hopes that that will somehow outweigh the fear. Yesterday, we began sorting out what we had saved from HWD and determining which things were actually gender neutral so we could get a handle on what we need for WRD. In the midst of doing this, we came across some items we had purchased for our failed adoption of BSD, and I finally embraced those ugly or "bad" emotions that we 1s don't like to admit we have - because how DARE we admit to ourselves that we aren't good?? I looked at Rebekah and said, "I don't hate her [the birth mom from our failed adoption], but I hate what she did to us and put us through. And I don't like the her right now for that." She immediately responded, "That doesn't make you a bad person for feeling that way." Whew. Talk about a weight lifted and another step toward healing. 

A while ago, I was reading a book (whose name and topic escape me currently) and the author mentioned how hard it was to have new "full story" people in her life. She was writing about her divorce and how new people who didn't know the full story of her grief had to be told the story in its entirety once they had reached her inner circle of trust. She mentioned how difficult and exhausting it was to constantly be facing new scenarios in which she needed to explain the depth of her sorrow and hurt again and again. It's like picking a scab when it's starting to heal only to have it bleed everywhere again. Whenever you make new friends, you gain several full story people into your circle. Moving schools this year has brought about the opportunity to have many full story moments over the past few months. I have gained several new friends on my hallway who accept my oddities like toe touches in the hallway and knitting during class change. And they have earned the right to be full story people because they have loved and accepted me, warts and all. This doesn't make telling the full story any less painful or traumatic. Today, I had three full story moments at work - something I would not have been able to do last year. I really think had I not sat with that uncomfortable emotion yesterday, then I would not have been able to have all of those full story moments today. In the midst of all of it, one of them looked at me and said, "But man, what love this little girl is already experiencing." Y'all, that hit me so hard in the best way. This little girl is already so. very. loved - even in my cautiously optimistic state. We have to cling to that right now.

I am so grateful for growth. I am grateful that there isn't a timeline on grief - even when I try to unfairly place that clock on myself and others. And I am grateful that it's ok for some people to cry to grieve and for others to do all of the things and make all the lists as a way to cope. We all handle it differently, and that's what's beautiful about the way God created each of us uniquely. 

Here are a few things you can pray with us in the months to come:

  • Our birth mother, M. We pray that her heart is being shepherded for what is coming in the next couple months. We pray she knows the Lord and sees Him in this entire process.
  • Our family as we prepare to bring another baby home again. Pray that we will parent with grace and embrace this last set of holidays as the Dupuis 3. 
  • Grace and mercy toward one another. So far, we have been communicative in how we are coping with the stress, fear, and doubt. Pray that that continues and that we will treat each other with kindness and understanding. Pray that we will be transparent with each other and share what is on our hearts and what is causing us both joy and fear.
  • Anxiety and fear. Of course there is the fear that we will have to tell our son that we aren't bringing a baby home again, and that is a terrifying fear that keeps me awake some nights. Pray that we will cling to God's promise that He hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7).