Friday, December 29, 2017

adieu

2017, you changed me. You shook me to my core. You tested the foundations of my faith. You caused me to rely on my God & my family more than ever. You stretched me in new ways. You brought new responsibilities to my plate. You took a dear family member from me unexpectedly. And every single day, you taught me. 

The year truly began with a bang of a mini financial crisis because I didn't read some fine print. But God was faithful. He provided until we sorted things out and got back on track. My son's health continued to go downhill with ear infections out the wazoo. But God provided a referral to the best children't ENT, and since he had tubes in the spring he has done remarkably well. We cancelled an anniversary trip due to surgery, which caused some selfish anguish on my part. But God granted us a night when our son spent the night with his Queenie & Papa while we relaxed at home and rented a red box movie - perfect getaway in my book. 

In the spring I had a coaching duty thrust upon me (seriously I still LOL when someone calls me "Coach"), which meant late nights, meals on the run, and a desperate need for a planning-period nap every Tuesday during season. But God was again faithful. We changed a few things at home to make it run more smoothly and I fell in love with track season while I learned A LOT about how to improve for the coming season.

The summer saw our family back vacation cut short because of a tropical storm - kind of ironic for a guy who grew up on hurricane parties. But God kept us safe while we had a lovely staycation free of social media & full of love and laughter. We learned to slow down and enjoy each other more. We also began our journey as foster parents, which has been incredibly exhausting and grueling. I do not like change. At all. And this time, I voluntarily signed up for perennial change. I learned that my communication skills need to improve and that my heart has room for more love. God has brought great friends into our lives to walk alongside us on this journey. And He showed me that I can handle a little chaos and unpredictability in my life - who knew?

The fall was full of heartache. While my son was recovering from his second surgery of the year, my father in law passed away quite unexpectedly after a short hospital stay. We were very close, and he loved me like I was his own son. I learned so much from him in 6 years, and deep down, I was bitter for weeks that he was taken from us - and our son - too soon. It was a week full of chaos and change in our home. But God carried us when we couldn't walk and provided us with friends and family who helped us with food, child care, and adjusting to a new normal for our family. 

The winter brought an unexpected surgery for me as well. I've drastically changed my lifestyle over the past decade and consider myself to be in relatively good health. So I was  quite shocked to learn that my bilirubin levels were alarmingly high as a result of gallstones. I had my gallbladder removed last week (Merry Christmas to me), and I am feeling better. God provided knowledgeable health care professionals who didn't make fun of me when I was whacked out on medication (seriously, we need to submit some of Rebekah's videos to AFV) and took great care of me.

Throughout the turmoil of this year, I was reminded that my marriage relationship is not picture perfect. Spoiler alert if you don't already know: most of us are more than what we post on social media. I love my wife fiercely, and she loves and cares for me like no other. But sometimes, we don't communicate our love or needs as well as we should. We fight and argue. Not daily, but more than we should because we are fallen humans. After our most recent squabble, I was having difficulty sleeping. And in that moment, the Lord spoke very clearly to me. He said "If you aren't doing anything to prevent it, you're trying" (kind of like procreation). It hit me like a ton of bricks that by not taking proactive steps to prevent disagreements, I was basically trying to have arguments. 

I know that we as Christians are all familiar with Ephesians 6:12, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." But how often do we actually take the take it to heart? So I have committed to pray daily for Rebekah and for the state of our relationship - that we would communicate and love each other well and that we would love God so whole-heartedly that we are bound together even more by our love for Him. So why am I sharing this here? So that hopefully someone will learn from my selfish mistake and find his or her relationship strengthened.

2017 was a year full of change and things that I did not enjoy in my flesh. But in my spirit, I am content. The Lord has been gracious to us as always. Our needs - and many of our wants - have been met. We have never done without and have lived in abundance, even when it was trying. I pray that I take what 2017 taught me and use that to better myself, my family, & the kingdom as 2018 begins. For now, I say peace out to 2017. You taught me more than you will know.

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